Date: 12/9/2008

Just a version of another book i know...

They say the first step is to admit you have a problem. I admit, i have a problem. The twist in this tale is that i dont think i want to be helped. Never have i been addicted to anything before except for the present. I'm like that monkey who stuck his hand in a hole for some treats and couldn't get his hand out because he never realised that he had to let go of the treats before he could get his hand out. I cannot let go and therefore i'm stuck. Do i want to let go? I honestly dont think so. Yes i am pathetic and yes i am stronger than this, but how easy it is to crave this, how easy to fall and how blissful the high is. The part that scares me most is that i'd have to let go eventualy, because he will soon, if i hasn't already that is. How did i get this far down? And why on earth do i continue to punish myself like this. I keep holding on to the thought that maybe all isn't what it seems.that there is something more. All i have to do is ask, but once again i'm to pathetic and too scared to find that everything is just as it is.nothing more and nothing less. Will this ever go away? Will i be this way forever? But you have absolutely no idea do you?


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