Date: 12/24/2008

The one without a face...

Now that i think about it, i haven't always hated christmas. Just this year. I just want everyone around to stop being so cheery and be miserable like me. I know its kinda,well not kinda,it just plain is selfish of me to want that,but why not? I try to put others before me and i still end up getting burned. When i do it the other way, same thing happens. One gets what one gives right? Wrong. I gave truth. And got lies. He is going on with his ways and his life and i'm stuck in this hole. I want this to get better, i do, but the emptiness stays there and i've never felt so out of place in my entire life. I'm pretending to be okay and wearing this nice mask, telling the world that i'm strong, but guess what. Family doesnt feel like it anymore and i dont think i can even trust myself. Christmas isn't supposed to be lonely and its not supposed to be a very angry time,so why do i have so much rage inside and how do get rid of it? I'm dying to live or am i only living to die? This must end.


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